Something Awful

Front: hand grenade logo
Back: The Internet Makes You Stupid
     www.somethingawful.com

Well, it does, doesn't it?

Something Awful is a hilarious online comedy site. If you've never been there, I must warn you -- some of their stuff is offensive and juvenile. But it's usually funny.

Lego Jungle Adventurers Shirt

Front: Lego
Back: Lego Jungle Adventures with Johnny Thunder

Everyone has a hobby. Some people collect stamps, some are birdwatchers, others enjoy cooking. My hobby is that I collect (and enjoy playing with) Legos. Kind of nerdy? Yes. But I've never denied my nerdiness. I got this shirt from the Lego Magazine a few years back. I know, I know -- it's awesome.

Oh, one more thing -- if you have any Legos you want to get rid of, I'll take them off your hands. I can always use them for my Lego city I'm building in my basement.

Somnia - stars

Front: Somnia
Back: S

Another t-shirt from my band Somnia. Good times.

Starquest '96

Front: Chesterfield Elementary - St. Louis, MO
Back: Starquest '96

Back in '96, I helped some elementary school kids build a space shuttle. Like, a real, working space shuttle. We went to Mars, scooped up some rocks, and flew back home. This shirt was made to commemorate the project (read: "I got it at a thrift store.")

Galaga - Rehab Clinic

Front: Galaga - Gaming Rehabilitation Clinic
     The first step is realizing you have a problem
Back: nothing

In college I played a lot of Galaga. A LOT. It got to be something that I was, you know, pretty good at. For example, my high score is 2,342,450 (level 143). I was (and still am) addicted to Galaga.

The Faint - Danse Macabre

Front: The Faint - Danse Macabre
Back: nothing

The Faint are a dance/rock/electronica band. They make really, really, really good music. You should probably go buy some of it.

Cave Springs Conoco

Front: Cave Springs Conoco
Back: same as front, with contact information

Remember a few days ago when I said my buddy Mike's parents got a bunch of t-shirts in an auction? Well, this is another t-shirt that was included in the lot that they bought. For some reason, it's one of my favorite shirts. It just fits me really well. Maybe it's because I've always wanted to drive a tow truck, and this shirt has a little tow truck on the front.

Arborwear -- Protect Your Crotch

Front: Arborwear
Back: Protect your crotch
       I can't stress that enough.

My buddy Gabe gave this shirt to me and thought I might give it to one of my bandmates. Nope, I kept it for myself. With such sage advice on the back, how could I not keep it?

Denny Lincoln-Mercury

Front: Denny Lincoln-Mercury, Rolla
Back: nothing

My friend Mike got this shirt from his parents. They got it from an auction near Rolla, MO. Someone was auctioning off a bunch of t-shirts and for some reason they thought it was a good idea to buy said bunch of shirts. Mike had around 10 of these shirts, and he gave me one. Thanks, Mike.

Slapstick

Front: Slapstick
Back: nothing

Slapstick was a punk/ska band from Chicago and are one of the greatest bands to come out of the ska scene in the mid-to-late 90's.

White Castle

Front: White Castle - Slyder Pilot
Back: nothing

White Castle is the best fast food ever created by human beings. White Castle hamburgers are affectionately known as "slyders" to some people. Personally, I call them "White Castles", but hey, what do I know? I got this shirt back in the mid-90's as a birthday present.

OSU Beavers

Front: Oregon State University Beavers
Back: nothing

Go Beavers!

UC Class of 1973

Front: UC Class of 1973 20 Year Reunion
Back: nothing

One time, I was wearing this shirt and I was at a Walgreen's in the checkout aisle. The guy behind the counter asked me "so, you went to University City?" And I thought, "No, dumbass. If this shirt were true, that would mean I graduated high school in 1973, that would make me around 50 years old. Do I look like I'm 50?" But I didn't say that, I just said "no, I got it at a thrift store".

American Hi-Fi

Front: American Hi-Fi
Back: nothing

I wore this shirt because it's green and it was St. Patrick's Day. Also, because American Hi-Fi rocks. Specifically, their album "The Art Of Losing".

Truman State University - Orange

Front: Truman State University
Back: nothing

In 1994, I began attending Truman State University, although it wasn't called that at the time, it was called Northeast Missouri State University. In 1995 the school changed it's name to Truman State University. Truman is located in Kirksville, population 17,000. It's a relatively small school, with an enrollment of about 6,000. School colors are purple, white, and gray. So, you can imagine how cool I thought an orange Truman shirt was.

The Promise Ring

Front: The Promise Ring "P" logo
Back: nothing

The Promise Ring was a good band, I'm sad that they aren't around anymore.

Rancid -- ..And Out Come The Wolves

Front: Rancid -- ...And Out Come The Wolves
Back: nothing

Rancid is one of the bands (and this is one of the albums) that helped me learn how to play bass.

Michigan English

Front: Michigan English
Back: nothing

While visiting my good pal Ryan (he's a doctor in Ann Arbor), I got this shirt on the University of Michigan campus. Can you believe it was on the clearance rack for only $2.00? Even though I was only an English minor, at a different college altogether, I still wear this shirt with pride.

NPT

Front: NPT - Nashville Public Television
Back: nothing

People know they are always in store for a riveting conversation with me. I blow their minds with fascinating tales of programming schedules and pledge drives. Wait....I have a confession to make. I don't actually work for Nashville Public Television. But it's fun pretending I do.

The Aquabats

Front: The Aquabats
Back: nothing

The Aquabats are a crazy ska band from California, where all good crazy ska bands are from. They all dress in matching superhero suits and write songs about fighting midget pirates, songs about scary monsters, and songs making fun of Fred Durst. To sum up: they're awesome.

AC/DC Back In Black

Front: AC/DC Back In Black
Back: nothing

A couple years ago, I realized that I didn't own the album Back In Black, so I went out and bought one. Later that day I was at Kohl's and I saw this shirt, so I bought it (I know --- Kohl's!!) Everytime I listen to AC/DC, I think of how my good friend Mike compares the lead singer's voice to a hedge trimmer. Next time you hear one of their songs, think about it.

NERV

Front: NERV
      God's In His Heaven, All's Right With The World
Back: nothing

NERV is an organization from the Japanese anime called "Neon Genesis Evangelion". Only fellow nerds will appreciate it. Ikari Gendo is one of my heroes.

Red Yankees shirt

Front: Yankees logo
Back: nothing

This shirt is strange. It's definitely the Yankees logo, but it's a red shirt, not their traditional dark blue or white. Maybe it's a spring training shirt. I don't know. I wear it to confuse Cardinals fans. "He's wearing a red shirt! Go Cards! Wait, it's got the Yankees logo on it. Kill him!"

Bloodhound Gang

Front: bloodhound gang
Back: nothing

Yes, that really says "Bloodhound Gang". Although the shirt isn't vulgar, their music is and that's what is so charming about them. They took their name from the old storyline on 3-2-1 Contact. Wow, that was a good show. Why don't they make a DVD set for 3-2-1 Contact? Or classic episodes of Sesame Street? Surely, the nostalgia value alone would sell a ton of DVDs. Am I right?

Dovetail Joint

Front: Dovetail Joint -- My Life Rocks
Back: ....I Make Myself Jealous

An excellent rock band from Chicago, Dovetail Joint called it quits a few years ago and reformed as Ivory Wire. I bought this shirt because of what it said on it. It's true, my life rocks so much that I make myself jealous. Sometimes.

Live -- Throwing Copper tour shirt

Front: Throwing Copper
Back: Live, Throwing Copper Spring 95 Tour

Another +Live+ shirt. Throwing Copper was my favorite album of theirs. I never did care for the artwork on the front, so why I bought a t-shirt which predominantly features the artwork is beyond me.

Led Zeppelin

Front: Led Zeppelin -- United States of America 1977
Back: nothing

It would have been really neat to actually see this tour in 1977, but I was only one year old and my parents were not Zeppelin fans. Sadly, this is a reproduction, not an actual tour shirt from '77.

Playback St. Louis

Front: Playback -- St. Louis Pop Culture -- Get used to it
Back: nothing

If you've never heard of PlaybackSTL and you live in St. Louis, you're stupid. Sorry. I didn't mean that. You're not stupid. You just haven't been to that site yet. Or you haven't picked up a copy of PlaybackSTL magazine, even though they are available at just about every restaurant, shop, lobby, etc. in the St. Louis area. It's good reading, and it's free, so how can you go wrong? Jim and Laura and John from PlaybackSTL were always nice to my old band, and we love them for it.

Akira

Front: Akira
    Neo-Tokyo is about to E.X.P.L.O.D.E.
Back: Japanese kanji for a-ki-ra

Akira is an anime film about....well....I can't really explain what it's about. It's really cool and really confusing at the same time.

sevenstar

Front: sevenstar
Back: nothing

Sevenstar is another great-yet-now-defunct St. Louis band. Their lead singer, Grant Essig is still in the game, this time as a solo artist. Check him out.

Target -- T-51 Hampton

Front: Target T-51 Hampton
Back: nothing

Yep, thrift store shirt. I've never worked at Target, but this shirt makes other people think I have. It's an employee's shirt, you see. I think "T-51" is the store number, and it refers to the store on Hampton in St. Louis.